You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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