So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
