were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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