Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Randomize
