I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
