Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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