I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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