From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
