so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
