i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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