I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
