3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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