lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
