cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
