I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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