I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
