thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
