party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
