:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
