Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
