after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
