Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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