so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
