Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
