i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
