I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After tacos, we're chasing women.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
