Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
