Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You are a genius and a whore.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
