now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
