it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
