I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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