I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
