Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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