THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
