did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
