I must be too annoying 4 u.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
