Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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