It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
