why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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