For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
