I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
