literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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