my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
