i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
