I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
