I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
