i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
