Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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