You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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