You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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