So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
