Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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